


Now It's Gone, It Doesn't Matter What For

by GloriousWar



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cocaine, Drugs, M/M, Relapse, Suicide, This Story Is Super Sad, Triggers, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:32:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2380043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloriousWar/pseuds/GloriousWar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles never thought he'd have nothing left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now It's Gone, It Doesn't Matter What For

**Author's Note:**

> So this was inspired by the scene in AHS Coven where Misty didn't want Zoe or Kyle to leave and you could just tell she was heart broken. It broke my heart.
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNINGS:**  
>  This story is definitely heavy on the angst and does have suicide in it. It also features drugs and drinking so if those are triggering things for you I wouldn't read this. This is also unbetaed to sorry if their mistakes.

Stiles couldn’t believe what was happening. He didn’t mean to do it. He didn’t mean to do any of it. It was just a slip and now his world was coming crumbling down around him. 

Derek stood in front of him staring at the mess on the table. He should probably clean this up but he was just so confused and high that he couldn’t really put anything in his mind together. The coke leading him into a blissed out haven that he remembers so much. 

It only took 5 more seconds of staring before Derek started yelling. “What are you doing?! Are you fucking kidding me?” He walked over to Stiles by the couch and stared at him again. He could see the messed up little white lines on the coffee table in their apartment. “Why?”

Stiles just looked at him again. He messed up and he knew it. When he was eighteen he got into the world of cocaine via his new college buddies. He dove in head first and it took him a long time to get help. Scott had given up on him after the hundredth time he blew him off at school and his dad just stopped calling. Every time Stiles answered he was high or drunk off of something. He couldn’t deal with his only son killing himself so he just gave up.

But Derek, Derek was different. He found Stiles in his dorm room so high off pills and drunk he had to help him. He couldn’t leave Stiles like that. He took Stiles back to his new apartment and helped clean him up. He called the school to inform his absence from his classes. Derek got Stiles through the worst of his withdrawal and Stiles actually started to do better. He ate more and started showing interest in life again. Derek made Stiles promise to never do that again.

Stiles stayed clean for a while. He never changed. Derek was so proud of him and pretty soon pride turned to love. Stiles felt the same about Derek for a while so after a night of hot labored sex they decided that they were it. They were together and they would work through anything. Stiles still hadn’t talked with his father and Scott yet. He wanted to be completely done with everything when he did.

But Stiles had relapsed. He couldn’t help the urge. It tingled under his skin to get some diamond powder from anyone. He had gone looking and he found it. Now here he was staring into the eyes of Derek, the man who rescued him from himself, where love and adoration were pain and anger were there. Directed at him and that’s all it took for Stiles to start begging him.

“Please Derek, I’m so sorry! Please don’t look at me like that…please.” Stiles pleaded. Standing up from his sitting position he stood and grabbed Derek’s hands and squeezed them to try and get him to listen.

Derek just scoffed and looked away. He was so tired. This wasn’t the first time Stiles had relapsed but that was way back when he was still going through withdrawal. He was doing so well up until now and he was just so tired. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He just got home from a long exhausting day at work and he just wanted to cuddle Stiles but this wasn’t even his Stiles.

Derek began to try and remove his hands and Stiles panicked. “Please no! No Derek, don’t go. I’m sorry. It was a mistake.” He sobbed out. “Don’t leave me!” Derek continued anyways and removed his hands from his grip.

Derek took a step back and just looked at Stiles. High off cocaine and drunk. This wasn’t his Stiles. He needed to get out of here. He needed to get away. He couldn’t deal with this stress. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t-I can’t deal with this right now.” He turned around and tried to walk away. Stiles grabbed his arm again to try and plea one last time but he shook him off and walked out the door.

Stiles stood there staring at the door. “Please…don’t leave me. They always leave me.” He let the tears roll down his face. The music from earlier started getting louder again. He forgot he even put any on in his high. 

He crouched down against the couch and began sobbing; hard, wailing sobs. Stevie Nicks singing about Sara in the background and his heart breaking. Derek was the last person to help him and love him and he just messed it up again. Derek didn’t want him either. He walked away.

|||

It was a little past midnight and Derek still hadn’t come back. He thought maybe after a hour he would’ve came back but he still hadn’t come back. After the third hour Stiles gave up hope and started drinking again. After another hour of drinking he started another line. After that he popped a pill in his mouth and let the combined highs wash over him.

He continued like that. Drink. Snort. Pills. Repeat. Fleetwood Mac playing in the background. They were his mothers favorite and she was the only one who he knew still loved him. He was so glad that she wasn’t here to see the monster he had become. He wasn’t worth her love right now. He wasn’t worth anyone right now.

He danced around the room. Swaying to the beats and melodies. Singing them out loud or in his head. He didn’t know anymore. He just wanted to feel free. He didn’t want to feel anything anymore.

He snorted another line and took a sip from his scotch. It didn’t even burn his throat anymore. Just filled the cold void with temporary warmth. He went to grab the pills again. He’d already taken two. He probably shouldn’t take anymore. But Derek was gone and he still hadn’t come back. He wasn’t coming back; this was what Stiles mind told him.

Stiles stared at the pills and dumped a handful into his hand. He stared a little longer before making his decision. He tipped his head back and tried to swallow the amount down with a quick gulp of scotch. The amount made him choke but other than that the pills slid down. He got up off the couch when the song changed. 

Stevie Nicks sang Gypsy through the stereo and he danced around. Swaying to the beat. He could feel the pills starting to make him feel heavier but his mind light. He kept standing though. He just wanted to dance. It was a song he used to dance around with his mom too. The heaviness became too much though after a while of dancing. He collapsed onto the couch on his back. He stared at the stereo on the entertainment center.

His eyes were even heavier now and he could feel nothing but numb. He was painless. He couldn’t feel anything. He smiled at the music one last time before he lost consciousness.

|||

Derek came back a little passed one in the morning.

He went out to talk to Boyd and have a drink at the bar. He just couldn’t handle the pain of seeing Stiles like that again. Boyd told him though that he couldn’t give up on him. Everyone else had and he needed to be there. He needed to show him that even though Stiles made a mistake he was still going to stick by him.

Derek went home after that. He didn’t want to keep Stiles waiting any longer. The way the boy looked when he left made his heart ache. Stiles looked at him like all his dreams were fading away. Derek stepped on the gas a little harder and hurried. He loves Stiles. He never wants to see that pain again. He wants to take it away from him and make sure that he’s always okay and happy. He could even see himself marrying the boy in the future.

When he got back inside he saw Stiles passed out on the couch and didn’t think too much of it. He probably just passed out waiting for him. Fleetwood Mac continued in the background. It was a lot louder than it should be at one in the morning. He walked over and passed Stiles knocking into the hand extending out past the arm of the chair to turn the music down.

When Stiles didn’t wake up he turned around. “Stiles?” He looked at him in the face and stared hard. Something wasn’t right. His eyes narrowed and he walked over kneeling down to Stiles’ face. “Stiles?” He tried again. No answer.

He grabbed Stiles face and gave it a quick shake. That’s when he heard it. Or didn’t hear it. Stiles heartbeat stopped. There was nothing there. “Stiles!” Derek shook him again. “Stiles, wake up! Come on! Don’t do this.” His hands began to shake. Stiles still didn’t wake up. That’s when he turned and saw the near empty pill bottle and near empty bottle of jack. He cried out in pain and sobbed.

He pulled Stiles into his arms on the couch. He cradled his head to his chest and sobbed. He lost him. He lost everything. His beautiful future would never exist with him. It was all gone. He rocked bath and forth and just cried holding Stiles in his arm.

The beginning chords of Sara began through the stereo.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn't too much. It was just an idea in my head and I couldn't let it rest. If you are going through anything like this ask for help. You're not alone.


End file.
